You're going to regret this

I've made a list of things that you need to know about my children in the event of an unforeseeable accident making me unable to care for them. Or if I get admitted to some psych facility for losing my flipping marbles. Or if I just run away. Not that I see any of these happening. Yet.

1. Maddie sleeps with a flashlight every night. I would explain how this started but it's a long story and it's been going on for years. Just give her the light and forget about it.
2. On the same note, Dylan sleeps with his bedroom light on. I cannot explain my children's fear of the dark.
3. Dylan must be continuously reminded to do everyday things like brushing teeth, washing hands, breathing, picking up food that he dropped on the floor and glanced at and left there, putting his pajamas on, changing his underwear, putting socks on before his shoes, etc. You get the picture. You need to babysit him through life. Constant nagging. It's annoying on both levels.
4. Maddie will make her own bed 9 times out of 10. It's best that you not mention it or the next time will be the 10th.
5. Dylan's idea of a made bed is him not being in it. You can mention it as much as you want, but it will always be the 10th time.
6. Maddie puts Parmesan cheese (green salt) and Johnny's seasoning on pretty much everything. No joke.
7. My kids will NOT eat ketchup, so don't bother.
8. The only vegetable I can consistently get BOTH of my kids to eat without complaint is raw carrots. That doesn't mean they "won't" complain, it just means they "usually" won't.
9. Spongebob Squarepants is the only TV show they both still watch together.
10. Despite his fear of the dark, Dylan is obsessed with ghosts. Maybe I have this backwards.
11. Dylan is not a night owl, even though he likes to pretend he is. After 10:00 p.m. he's worthless to the world.
12. If it's a school day, I'll have to wake them up. If it's a weekend, they'll be up before the sun.
13. If you have a good book to read, they'll need something.
14. It is not unusual for Dylan to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and bacon for breakfast.
15. It is not unusual for Maddie to not eat breakfast at all.
16. Maddie will start all her sentences with "I wanna tell you something." Sounds important, doesn't it? You'll see. It usually ends with......."I'm hungry."
17. They've never been taught how to flush a toilet. At least, that is what I am led to believe.
18. If you drop something, trip, or hurt yourself in anyway....they will laugh at you. Every time.
19. If you have plans, let's say Thursday at 8:00, it's best to wait until Thursday at 7:30 to tell them. You'll regret it otherwise.
20. Do not EVER ask Dylan's opinion regarding planning something. You will regret it. I can guarantee it.