Sometimes my life is funny. Sometimes it's really funny. I have had Maddie-isms. I have even had Dylan-isms (although rare). I have something for everyone today!!! Yes, even me.
First, we'll start with me, cause I'm the best. Plus it's not nearly as funny as the rest. I went running on Friday. No, that's not the funny part. The funny part is that I tripped while running. Seriously. I caught a toe and stumbled. Shockingly, I was able to remain upright - thank GOD. I thought you would just like to picture that in your head for a few seconds so you can laugh with me. Now erase it - thanks.
Next up....Joel. That's right, Joel gets a turn on the laugh track. Maddie and Joel were outside playing some basketball. I just happened to walk past the window and I see Maddie running after the ball in the cul-de-sac. Maddie doesn't really run very fast and our cul-de-sac is at the top of a very steep hill. So, you can see where I am going with this. Maddie gave up on the ball, and I don't blame her. However, someone had to get that ball as it gained momentum down the hill before it caused some damage. Guess who that was?? I was seriously in hysterics watching Joel run full speed down the hill after the ball. I was in the house so they couldn't see or hear me, but Maddie was outside and I could see her doubling over in laughter at this. Funny stuff I tell you.
Next is Dylan. He likes to brag himself up on how tough and cool and strong he is. He thinks he could beat wrestlers. He even said in a full on fight with me or his father - he'd win. Seriously?? Anyway, at Wal Mart today he even went as far as to say he thinks he could beat Chuck Norris. I just shake my head and laugh and say whatever. I bought each of them a juice at the store. We're on our way home and Dylan says "I can't open my juice, the lid is too tight." I almost drove off the road I was laughing so hard. He thinks he can beat Chuck Norris, but he can't open a bottle of juice??? LMAO
Finally, we have Maddie. This actually isn't very funny. I was singing a song yesterday, which annoys my children to death. Maddie says "Mom, seriously if you don't stop I am going to literally kill you." (That is a direct, word-for-word quote, by the way). I knew the whole "kill you" thing was just a figure of speech and she did not really "mean" it, but I thought I'd teach her a lesson about it. So I tell her that if she did kill me she would be very sad about it and that there wouldn't be anyone to cook for her or read her stories or put her hair in braids like she likes. Then I said "and you know that green shirt of mine that you like to sleep with because it smells like me? If I was dead it wouldn't smell like me anymore and never would again." Holy crap she freaked the heck out. She started crying hysterically and could not stop. She was hyperventilating she was crying so hard. I actually felt bad at this point and I had to calm her down and promise her that I wasn't going anywhere. I also had to make her promise not to say that anymore about killing people, because it's not nice. She felt bad about saying it (obviously).
So, the lesson for the day - Juice bottles are tougher than Chuck Norris, and if I ever die - you people better find a way to keep that green shirt smelling like me forever or you will be sorry.
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