Rules

• Sleeping pills and laxatives are not a good combination.
• Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
• Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
• The lesser of two evils is often the least fun.
• Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
• If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
• Bills travel faster than checks.
• Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
• No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
• Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
• Junk is something you keep for years until 3 weeks before you need it.
• There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
• Experience is what enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
• By the time you get to the point that you can make ends meet, the ends move.
• Thou shalt not weigh more than your refrigerator.
• The jeans do not make your butt look fat. The jeans are innocent.
• There is a fine line between hobby and mental illness.
• People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want to hear yours.
• Gossip is a more powerful tool than people realize.
• Does anyone truly understand Daylight Savings Time?
• The one thing that bad drivers and good drivers have in common is that they both think they're good drivers.